About The Value Pile
Post 816:
I’ve been doing some serious driving lately, back and forth between Texas and Chicago. Expect that these days, we’re all doing things we didn’t quite expect. Between adjustments and frustrations, there’s always a chance to adapt. Yay.
On the drive back up last night I started thinking about my writing. This can be a productive and good thing, but mostly you just end up running around in circles. This time though, I think the clouds opened up for a moment of illumination. What follows will sound a little pessimistic at first, but don’t dismiss it on that account. I’m not a pessimist in the philosophical sense, whatever that is; neither do I adhere to any popularized form of the pessimist worldview. At least not intentionally. There’s bad days, sure. I’m not walking on sunshine, but come on. I’m a grown man. Okay then. Enough preambling.
There’s an expression: “Believe in yourself.” It’s something akin to being positive, though positivity isn’t quite interchangeable in a technical sense. (Here I’m going to attempt to be specific)
Anyway, I don’t believe in myself. Not the way people tell me to. Not only that, I don’t want to. It’s gross, and if you’re like me, you’re not worth believing in either.
Stay your protestations for a minute. I don’t mean that the better solution is to hate your life and throw the whole deal down the drain. That’s just stupid. I’m choosing these words carefully. Believing in yourself, the way they mean it, blows. I won’t trouble to define what I mean by they. We all know who they are. Wily sons of guns…
That believe in yourself line has never sat well. It’s a gut thing. It’s a head thing. It’s just one of those things. I can’t imagine the letdowns one faces or amount of blind eyes one has to turn to keep up that creed.
Alternatives! Here’s the best I’ve got at the moment: Believe that you can occasionally, once in a while, from time to time (repeating for emphasis) create something that someone else might value. That, my friends, is a noble aim. A high purpose. Something to believe in. Here’s why I say it. Other people have created things that have added huge value to my life. New directions and purposes, new ideas have been spawned; epiphanies have epiphanied. (Not sure that’s a word)
Think of your favorite book. A line of dialogue that inspired you to write or make something or do something that had never occurred to you. A song lyric. It could be anything, so I’ll stop there.
Okay, now consider this. If you’d been all believing in yourself when that thing came along to change or move your heart and mind, it would’ve passed by like a ship in the night. Why would anyone pumped about their present position want to be moved? They wouldn’t. They’d be busy, I suspect, sitting in a chair believing in themselves. It sounds absurd, but I’m taking this bad boy to the logical conclusion.
I’ll keep doubling down. I’m almost positive that the person who created that thing that moved you didn’t think they had it all figured out either. They didn’t believe in themselves, all cozy and satisfied. No way. Why do the great thing if they already had all the things? Even more, they probably aren’t as big on their wondrous creation as you are. Weird, but I’m saying it.
I’ve got more good news. It’s actually way more exciting not to believe in yourself. It’s so you add to the pile. If we’re humble enough and work hard enough we get to produce something that somebody else values. We get to add to the value pile. I do believe in the value pile. It’s something that I just made up, but we all know what it is. All the world and all the people and all the history give us so much. It’s a big pile. So, in closing, screw that “give a little to get a little” action. Try the “give a lot because you get a lot” brand. Anyway, think about it. Believe it.
Pile on. Cheers knuckleheads. I’ll see you after.
