About Breaking Bad Habits

Post 1232:

Maybe you don’t have any, but I have my share of vices. I’m trying to remember my first. It wasn’t sweets or something fairly common and cute and childlike. I think it was jealousy. It bothered me if I felt any of my peers were better than me at anything. Transparent jealousy. So you can imagine, I was pretty moody.

Having a healthy competitive spirit is one thing. I just didn’t know how much to care in my tiny little brain. I’d say jealousy did two things to me. It drove me to get better at stuff, but ultimately I think it made me a bit of a prick. Like most flaws and vices, they’re not all bad. It’s the amount, the mishandling, the overindulgence.

Years later, jealousy isn’t too big a deal for me. But the things of the world have taken their share from my character. I like tobacco. I like to drink. I really like to listen to podcasts and watch shows when I should be working.

For me, breaking bad habits is one of life’s toughest challenges. For instance, I used to hate being alone. Now, I realize, that’s not such a terrible thing. It’s not good for man to be alone. It’s right there in the Bible. But—you shouldn’t be insecure about it. If you can’t stand your own company for a little bit, there might be something going on.

So what did I do? Instead of being around friends and family all the frigging time, I hopped the fence and went the other way, retreating into myself. The classic over-correction. You see it with a lot of people. They ate too much and now instead of dialing it back they look like a skeleton. Or someone with a drinking problem can’t be friends or be in the same room as people who are drinking. It’s tough. Addiction, vice, bad habits—they’re a bitch.

I think I’m probably more compulsive than most and therefore prone to habitual behavior, both good and bad. It’s hard to know, It’s weird because I’m definitely not proud of some of the stuff I do but I don’t do much to hide it. Living right and not falling into daily cycles—not easy stuff. Perhaps it is for people with more moral fortitude. If you’re one of those people please write me an instruction manual on how to do the best thing all the time every time. I’d appreciate it. Figure I should learn how to live before I officially hit middle age. Cheers and see you after.