About Better or Worse

Post 1677:

I’m not what you’d call an even-keeled paragon of tranquil equanimity. My moods are dramatic and they are generally only contained by old-fashioned white-knuckled masculinity and emotional unavailability. I’ve been told that this is very “guy” behavior.

Maybe.

The thing is, I get excited about stuff. New projects and creative impulses light me up like an appliance with too much power. Sometimes this produces great products. Sometimes everything blows up.

I’m done with my latest book. In a week or two it’ll be out and then it’ll be received or not received and I’ll write the next one, God willing.

It’s hard to have perspective on things you spend so much time with. One day you feel like a genius, the only person in the world at the perfect moment in history that could put those words together the way you did—the next day you’re a bum who has wasted his own time and taken the only life God gives for a fool’s errand.

Ups and downs. If you’re committed, I don’t think there’s any way to avoid them. The funny thing is, as much agony as this latest book gave me, I’m already over it. Excited for the new stuff. It’s all about the story, but it’s more about the challenge. That’s why it’s an endless source of happiness and frustration.

As long as you learn to cope, there’s nothing wrong with riding all these waves. Once in awhile you’ll go nuts or once in awhile you’ll get full of yourself. Keep it quiet if you can, because no matter how important the art is, there are more important things. No matter how stuck, you’ll get unstuck. No matter how good you are, you won’t stay that way. You’re on the way to getting better. Or worse. Get ready for the next wave.

Cheers and see you after.